I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was thinking about what i would wear, how to impress my crush, how to be cooler when i talk to a younger students. In short, i had many many things to worry about. And if thinking about them had made me stupid, i would have become a super sucker. I usually mess up everything and i just cannot handle it, that was so terrible.

Is there anyone that hates wearing uniform, like me? Damn, i was fucking fat in the uniform, it shown many bad things and i just wanted to run away. Unfortunely, my crush liked skinny girl, so i guess you could continue imagining the result after that. The ceremony was such a failure, my crush just ignored me entire the day and i’m fucking crazy for that omgggggg

Otherwise, i have something more to worry about.

I want to get good marks. I want to have the best result after each semester. I have been an excellent student in teacher’s view, so i had to try very very hard to keep it up. This year, i’m going to graduate and the lessons are becoming harder. I was so afraid that i could not understand all of them, especially Maths. I thought i wasn’t good at all, in every field. I’m obessessd of being the best student.

I want to lose weight. Everyone said i wasn’t fat at all, but i didnt think that. I cant wear pretty clothes, i don’t have enough muscles as i expected. Last year i lost many weight, but i gained some after 6 months. I cant fit my old clothes, and it made me feel so sad. I didnt look as fat as i was, but i did gain some weight and it was not fun at all. I always obessessed of diets, while my friends could eat everything they wanted. Sometimes i asked myself, why did i have to be so pathetic about my body? But if i ate, i would  gain more weight. I work out for 1 hour everyday, but it was never enough for me.

I want to be more beautiful, because my crush didnt notice me at all time. He always looking handsome as fuck, but he just wants to play with hot girls. I have a good-looking face, but i dont have a nice body. I don’t dress well. So he just ignore and ignore me, he talked to me sometimes, and he didnt remember anything after that.

What i have to do now? Maybe i will create a new to-do-list.

Can anyone recommend me something aisshhhh TT

9:23, 05/09/2018.